Africa, Made in China

You know how they make "Best Of" DVDs for famous people? Best of Seinfeld, Best of Bob Dylan, that sort of thing?

I'm no celebrity, but I think my life will deserve a commemorative Best Of DVD nonetheless, so my current project is to compile moments for the Best Of EJ.

Two such moments occurred today.

Natalie, the other Emily and I went to Marché Mokolo in search of jeans. This is no easy task, because African markets are extremely stressful--people hollering at you, sweat pouring down your face and back, disorganized piles of items that would make an American shopping mall employee shit a motherfuckin' brick.

Moment #1: I found a pair of jeans that I liked and began to haggle with the vendor. (This is a standard part of the shopping process here in Cameroon.) He asked for 25,000F (about $50)--yeah, right!--so I offered 3,000. He said, "Look at the quality! Look at all the work that went into these jeans!"

So I pulled out the tag that says "MADE IN CHINA," shoved it in his face and said, "A little girl in China made these jeans! Don't you tell me about the work that into them!"

I talked him down to 5,000F.

Moment #2: We had a field trip to the Cameroon breweries today, which meant getting all 15 of us into a little bus, which we have taken to calling "Whitey Bus." It's incredibly uncomfortable, because it demands so much attention. To quote Claire, it's like being the lion being pulled around in a cage at the circus.

We got stuck in traffic in a crowded market area, and a number of men approached the bus to stick their hands in the window. We slammed the windows shut, but they contined to sexually harass us, making lewd gestures, offering money--ew ew ew! Needless to say, I was filled with rage.

So I played Whack-A-Mole. Every time a guy kissed the window--which at least four of them did--I punched the window in front of their face.

It wasn't as satisfying as smacking the fuck out of a sexist pig, but it was pretty fun to startle them. You catch them off guard, because clearly, as a woman, God intended me to sit and endure harassment.

Other moments that will go on the Best of EJ DVD include (for those of you who remember them) falling in front of Mr. Burgess's class, the infamous Crotch Nips ride through Yellowstone, and throwing Pop-Its out of my apartment window.